Editing The Wickedictionary (section)

==E==
'''Eclair:''' ''n.'' a cake, long in shape but short in duration.<ref>Chamber's Dictionary, 1952 Edition</ref>

'''Economic growth:''' ''n.'' paying out twice as much in taxes as one formerly got in wages.<ref>Adapted from H. L. Mencken</ref>

'''Economic sanctions:''' ''n.'' a welcomed ticket for a dictator to stir up internal patriotism that gives him ''carte blanche'' to exert an even tighter stranglehold on his regime.<ref>Derek Abbott, Definition created for ''Wickedictionary,'' (24 December 2009)</ref>

'''Economist:''' ''n.'' an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.<ref>Laurence J. Peter</ref>

'''Economy:''' ''n.'' a complex system of bankruptcies, loans, and overdrafts.<ref>Adapted from Leonard Rossiter</ref>

'''Edgy:''' ''n.''  sufficiently abrasive and obnoxious to captivate an urban audience.<ref>Rick Bayan</ref>

'''Editor:''' ''n.'' in the publishing industry, a diligent intellectual drudge condemned to a lifetime of embarrassingly meagre pay, so that multi-thousand-dollar contracts might be awarded to semi-literate celebrities for their ghost-written memoirs.<ref>Rick Bayan</ref>

'''Education:''' ''n.'' 1. is the thing that interferes with learning.<ref>Albert Einstein</ref>

'''Education:''' ''n.'' 2. a method whereby one acquires a higher grade of prejudices.<ref> Laurence J. Peter</ref>

'''Egoist:''' ''n.''  1. person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.<ref>Ambrose Bierce</ref>

'''Egoist:''' ''n.'' 2. one who rises above the slimy obsequiousness that humility brings.<ref>Derek Abbott, 2010</ref>

'''Egotism:''' ''n.'' is the anesthetic given by a kindly nature to relieve the pain of being a damned fool.<ref>Bellamy Brooks</ref>

'''Elder:''' ''n.'' one who asserts his authority over you by virtue of his immutable age difference, but to whose chagrin finds that you rapidly sneak up to him in terms of age ratio.<ref>Derek Abbott, 2010</ref>

'''Election:''' ''n.'' 1. a democratic ritual carried out in order to check if the polls were right.<ref>Derek Abbott, 2009</ref>

'''Election:''' ''n.'' 2. that in which each party steals so many articles of faith from the other, and the candidates spend so much time making each other's speeches, that by the time election day is past there is nothing much to do save turn the sitting rascals out and let a new gang in.<ref>H. L. Mencken</ref>

'''Election:''' ''n.'' 3. a sort of advance auction sale of stolen goods.<ref>H. L. Mencken</ref>

'''Electricity:''' ''n.'' is really just organized lightning.<ref>George Carlin</ref>

'''Electrocution:''' ''n.'' burning at the stake with all the modern improvements.

'''Emissions trading:''' ''n.'' 1. a brilliant mechanism allowing corporations to pollute the environment guilt-free, whilst driving up the prices for further corporate gain.<ref> Derek Abbott, 2010</ref>

'''Emissions trading:''' ''n.'' 2. a pollution control scheme that is rather like allowing a criminal to buy his way out of jail based on finding one honest person in the world to apparently reduce the overall crime footprint.<ref> Derek Abbott, 2010</ref>

'''Employee:''' ''n.'' one who has sold both his body and soul to the corporation, as opposed to a prostitute whose body is only on hire for short intervals.<ref> Derek Abbott, 2010</ref>

'''Encryption:''' ''n.'' (''computing term'') a powerful algorithmic encoding technique designed to deny useful content to casual readers. Often used in the creation of computer manuals.<ref>Isham Research</ref>

'''Enemy:''' ''n.'' 1. a fiction abroad to distract us from domestic reality.<ref>Derek Abbott</ref>

'''Enemy:''' ''n.'' 2. is anyone who tells the truth about you.<ref>Elbert Hubbard</ref>

'''Enemy:''' ''n.'' 3. a friend who you got to know better.

'''Enemy:''' ''n.'' 4. is one who back stabs you, as opposed to a true friend who stabs you in the front.<ref>Adapted from Oscar Wilde</ref>

'''English:''' ''n.'' the English are those with the most rigid code of immorality in the world.<ref>Adapted from Malcolm Bradbury</ref>

'''Englishman:''' ''n.'' one who instinctively admires any man who has no talent and is modest about it.<ref>Adapted from James Agate</ref>

'''Enthusiasm:''' ''n.'' naive keenness curable by small doses of experience.<ref>Leonard Rossiter</ref>

'''Entrepreneur:''' ''n.'' one who satisfies his own material cravings by catering to those of the public.<ref>Rick Bayan</ref> 

'''Equity:''' ''n.'' a term liberally applied in office politics to enforce policies that disadvantage you when you are out of favour. When you are in favour those same policies are circumvented using incantations such as 'performance bonus,'  'salary loading,' and 'recognition according to merit.'<ref>Derek Abbott, 2010</ref>

'''Erratic:''' ''n.'' consistently inconsistent.<ref>Contributed specially for The Wickedictionary by R, 2010</ref>

'''Epic:''' ''n.'' (''literary term'') too long.<ref>''Book of Lies''</ref>

'''Etc:''' ''abbr.'' an abbreviation inserted into a written text to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

'''Ethics:''' ''n.'' 1. an unspoken code of decency that once governed most business and professional transactions, at least theoretically.

'''Ethics:''' ''n.'' 2. a fluctuating commodity that declines in direct proportion to the amount of money at stake.<ref>Rick Bayan</ref>

'''Ethics:''' ''n.'' 3. the best reasons in the world why people should think like you do.<ref>Contributed specially for ''The Wickedictionary'' by Lloyd Irving, 2010</ref> 

'''Etiquette:''' ''n.'' a social code devised and memorized by members of the upper classes for the purpose of screening out raffish pretenders to their ranks.<ref>Rick Bayan</ref>

'''Erogenous zone:''' ''n.'' by current reckoning, any region of the human topography with the possible exception of the elbows.<ref>Rick Bayan</ref>

'''Estimate:''' ''n.'' an amount approximately equal to half the eventual cost.

'''Euphemism:''' ''n.'' a figure of speech in which the speaker or writer makes his expression a good deal softer than the facts would warrant him in doing.<ref>Ambrose Bierce, ''The Devil's Dictionary'' (1911)</ref>

'''Euthanasia:''' ''n.'' the art of persuading elderly loaded relatives to bring their wills into effect. 

'''Exaggeration:''' ''n.'' 1. is truth that has lost its temper.<ref>Kahlil Gibran</ref>

'''Exaggeration:''' ''n.'' 2. a legitimate literary device to draw attention to the truth.<ref>Derek Abbott, 2010</ref>

'''Excuse:'''  ''n.'' is a perfectly good reason that has been rejected by those in authority.<ref>Derek Abbott, 2009</ref>

'''Experience:''' ''n.'' 1. is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.<ref>Oscar Wilde, ''Lady Windermere's Fan'' (1892)''</ref>

'''Experience:''' ''n.'' 2. is the ability to repeat one's mistakes with ever-increasing confidence.<ref>Patrick Hoyte quoted in the ''Chambers Gigglossary''</ref>

'''Experience:''' ''n.'' 3. is something you don't get until just after you need it.<ref>Steven Wright</ref>

'''Experiment:''' ''n.'' the fine art of fudging scientific data so that they mesh with one's original hypothesis.<ref>Rick Bayan</ref> 

'''Expert:''' ''n.'' 1. a person sufficiently jaded with all the facts that he declares when something cannot be done.<ref>Derek Abbott</ref>

'''Expert:''' ''n.'' 2. a person who avoids the small errors while sweeping on to the grand fallacy. <ref>Steven Weinberg</ref>

'''Expert:''' ''n.'' 3. a person  who is more than 50 miles from home, has no responsibility for implementing the advice he gives, and shows slides. <ref>Edwin Meese</ref>

'''Expert:''' ''n.'' 4. a person who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.

'''Expert:''' ''n.'' 5. the last audible voice saying it can't be done, if the world were to blow itself up.<ref>Adapted from Peter Ustinov</ref>

'''Explanation:''' ''n.'' 1. (''scientific term'') condensed descriptions.<ref>Attributed to Ernst Mach</ref>

'''Explanation:''' ''n.'' 2. (''scientific term'') merely something that provides a logical link between something surprising and something so common place that you have not previously thought about it.<ref>Robert Eugene Bogner</ref>

'''Explanation:''' ''n.'' 3. (''scientific term'') something that merely appeases your curiosity, but is really no explanation at all.
<ref>Derek Abbott</ref>

'''Explanation:''' ''n.'' 4. (''scientific term'') a scientific explanation is just a form of accountant’s balance sheet. It clearly shows how everything adds up to the final number, but it never really tells why the universe got you in to such bad debt in the first place.
<ref>Derek Abbott</ref>

'''Explanation:''' ''n.'' 5. (''scientific term'') that which merely leads to more questions like a never ending sequence of Russian dolls.<ref>Derek Abbott</ref>

'''Extremist:''' ''n.'' a conservative of a different ideology to yours.<ref>Derek Abbott, 2010</ref>