Editing The Wickedictionary (section)

==G==
'''Gambler:''' ''n.'' one who picks his own pocket.

'''Gambling:'''  ''n.'' a tax on the mathematically impaired. <ref>Jim Auster</ref>

'''Geek:''' ''n.'' 1. a person whose experience of lingerie is limited to shop windows and catalogues. Geeks divide their own clothes into two piles—filthy, and filthy but wearable.<ref>Isham Research</ref>

'''Geek:''' ''n.'' 2. a dateless bespectacled engineering student who is constantly spurned by girls, but then later in life has to reluctantly turn down scores of marriage proposals from top fashion models after selling his latest dotcom enterprise for a few billion.<ref>Derek Abbott, 2010</ref>

'''Genealogy:''' ''n.'' an account of one's descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his own. <ref>Ambrose Bierce, ''The Devil's Dictionary'' (1911)</ref>

'''Genius:''' ''n.'' 1. one who is clever enough to ensure no one is watching when he luckily stumbles on a good idea.<ref>Contributed specially for ''The Wickedictionary'' by Derek Abbott, 2010</ref>

'''Genius:''' ''n.'' 2. a plagiarist who copies great stuff from the future.<ref>Adapted from Kurt Vonnegut</ref>

'''Gentleman:''' ''n.'' 1. formerly the male exemplar of honour, nobility and other behavioural relics from the Age of Chivalry; now dismissed as someone with a testosterone deficiency.

'''Gentleman:''' ''n.'' 2. a gentlemen is simply a patient wolf.<ref>Lana Turner</ref>

'''Ghost:''' ''n.'' the outward and visible sign of an inward fear.<ref>Ambrose Bierce, ''The Devil's Dictionary'' (1911)</ref>

'''Gifted children:''' ''n. pl.'' unfortunate tykes who lack the good sense to hide their talents from overly ambitious parents.<ref>Rick Bayan</ref>

'''Gigolo:''' ''n.'' a man whose reputation has been eagerly created by numerous individual women, and yet meets with their collective disapproval.<ref>Derek Abbott, 2010</ref> 

'''Girlfriend:''' ''n.'' a man's future ex-wife.

'''Global warming:''' ''n.'' a meteorological phenomenon cited to explain the appearance of three consecutive days of fine weather in a British summer.<ref>Steve Wylie quoted in the ''Chambers Gigglossary''</ref>

'''God:''' ''n.'' 1. one who created us in His image, and we have more than reciprocated.<ref>Adapted from Voltaire</ref>

'''God:''' ''n.'' 2. one who answers all prayers, and sometimes with a no.

'''God:''' ''n.'' 3. an omniscient being that even the most hardened atheist gratefully thanks when an unobtainable bombshell of his dreams falls in his lap and professes undying love.<ref>Derek Abbott, 2010</ref>

'''Good breeding:''' ''n.'' consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.<ref>Mark Twain</ref>

'''Good judgment:''' ''n.'' that which comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment. <ref>Rita Mae Brown, ''Alma Mater'' (2001)</ref>

'''Gossip:''' ''n.'' 1.  a person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.

'''Gossip:'''  ''n.'' 2. is what you say about the objects of flattery when they aren't present.<ref>P. J. O'Rourke</ref> 

'''Government:''' ''n.'' the thing that always gets in nomatter who you vote for.

'''Grandparents:''' ''n.'' the people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.

'''Guerrilla:''' ''n.'' what the enemy calls your freedom fighter.<ref>Derek Abbott, 2010</ref>

'''Gym:''' ''n.'' 1. a sacred modern temple of self-flagellation that extends one's lifespan for more of the same.<ref>Derek Abbott</ref>

'''Gym:''' ''n.'' 2. a place of punishment for the body, for what the mouth has done.<ref>Janet Contractor</ref>